My Connections to Play

Play never goes anywhere... we do. We just have to find our way back from time to time.

They say that our most vivid memories are tied to extreme emotion, whether good or bad. I’d hate to think of why I have such a limited number of memories from childhood, but the few that I do have are certainly times of great joy. From birth, my grandmother’s house was the family gathering place and we did so on a regular basis. I grew up surrounded by loving, caring adults and what seemed an abundance of playmates - in actuality it was usually one to four siblings with one or two cousins added into the mix from time to time.

We spent hours upon hours playing in my grandparent’s yard: a child’s forest of huge pine trees dotted with the occasional "hicker nut" and cedar, all of which supplied us with an endless supply of needles, leaves and burrs from which we created our very own Roxaboxen. Before I was big enough to actually man a rake, I watched intently as everyone else carefully cleared paths and formed “walls” of pine needle berms forming the outlines of our playhouse. We had a wonderfully intricate cedar tree a bit like the one shown, whose branches were low and twisted that created a perfect stable for our stick horses or just a cozy place to climb and sit (even though I was probably never more than two feet off the ground, I was in heaven).

Play was simple then. We had unspoken rules that guided us and I learned from my older siblings and cousins how to create and cooperate within the context of whatever our play afforded us on any given day. There was no limit to what our imaginations could accomplish and my grandfather made sure that we had whatever we needed to expand our play; even if the sun was setting in the sky, he turned on enough lights to keep it from setting on our fun. I’m sure he must have spent hours after we were gone searching for tools that we had borrowed or raking up our “walls” creating a fresh surface for our next visit. But we knew our limits, we respected them, we thrived within them. That half-acre was our countryside, those few individuals were our community and the world was whatever we wanted it to be!

Cicada shells were our Gold/money.
Years later, my grandfather was
still finding these hidden in the
chimney clean out. Good
thing they had central heating!

These are the roots that firmly grounded me to the value and joy of shear make believe and I was diligent to make sure that my children experienced as much of that as I could provide. Granted their back yard was measured in yards instead of acreage, but we had trees to climb, grass to run barefoot through and neighborhood children to join in the work of childhood. Like me, my girls spent hours outside exploring the world and creating a new one every chance they got and like my grandfather, their dad and I were more than willing to support them in any way we could. Limits were set only by the boundaries of fences, sidewalks and streets – not by their imaginations. Fortunately, we also have a cabin in the mountains where there are fewer restrictions and practically unlimited opportunities for all kinds of play experiences. I remember one particular time that my kids returned after several hours of playing in the woods with friends, out of breath and talking so excitedly that I could hardly understand what they were jabbering about. My heart once again leapt with childish glee to hear them describing their own Roxaboxen just over the hill.

If you have not yet seen this book, it is a must read for anyone who has the gift of creating something wonderful from nothing much at all. It would be my hope that all children could have the opportunity to experience the joy of unbridled imagination, whether it is in a back yard with a rake and a stick or in their room with a couple of chairs and a sheet. I don’t recall experiencing a time when I felt like I needed to escape, but it was wonderfully reassuring to know that if I just wanted to, I could. It breaks my heart to see children who have no idea how to use their imagination and I feel blessed to be in a career that enables me to facilitate opportunities for them to develop this valuable life giving skill.

I know there have been times in my life where I held the mistaken opinion that I was too mature to “play” or times when play seemed irresponsible and frivolous but as I continue to mature and my responsibilities continue to change and increase, I find that play is what keeps me moving forward. Even though time is limited most days, I still find an innate joy in being outside, getting my hands dirty or losing myself in a book or craft. It is true that kids place a heavy load of responsibility on the adults who care for and about them but it is equally as true that if you allow yourself to be an active participant in their world, they will also keep you young.

Play is more of a state of mind than an intentional act and is limited neither by age nor occupation! 

But thank God I get to play AND get paid!

Relationship Reflection

As humans we are relational by nature, none of us has grown in a vacuum of solitude. We begin building relationships before we are even born, only at that time we did not have to actively participate. Throughout life, however, relationships come and go, wax and wane as we develop and mature.  Early playmates help us navigate youth as we strive for independence and find our place in the world, friendships develop that aid our transition from childhood to adulthood, but it is generally our families who provide the first and most lasting relationships – albeit positive or negative. Personal connections have been the driving force for me since I can remember: interaction promoting stimulation and growth, proximity supplying security, contact fulfilling intimacy and commitment translating into worthiness. Admittedly I spent many years avoiding solitude, fearing that without another person these needs would go unmet. Fortunately, though, I finally learned that until I had a healthy relationship with myself, the others would suffer.

Mother and Amanda

My mother has always been my safety net as well as my ladder. With her in my corner, the world was mine. She and I have a very special bond of friendship that transcends that of my youth and a mutual respect that allows us to live independent yet intertwined lives. One of the things I appreciate most is that for years Mother and I have made it a point to travel together (including my children usually) on at least an annual basis, almost without fail, often providing my girls with many experiences that they otherwise would have missed and reinforcing in them the importance of family and celebrating life’s simple pleasures as she did for me as a child.

I wish I could say that our relationship has always been smooth sailing, but we have experienced our share of conflict. Like most teens, I was probably more inconsiderate than I realized and as an adult I struggle to learn more positive communication skills. But, as I said – she will never give up on me which gives me power and motivation not to give up on myself.

At Renaissance Festival

My oldest daughter, Amanda, is my “little angel” (and a carbon copy in too many respects sometimes) and has a wisdom that I definitely lacked at her age (not to say she always takes her own advise, but that is a whole other story!) In this respect, she has a lot of her father in her. We enjoy each other’s company and many interests but mostly I love to talk with her. Others have recognized and supported my many talents over the years so I know how meaningful and important it is – so I do all I can to do that for her. Some talents we share, but most are hers alone which only lends to her uniqueness and beauty.

She cleans up pretty well, huh!

Joscelyn is my baby and I’m sure will be until I’m gone. Since she is still stuck in the middle of her teen years it would be irresponsible of me to say that we have a wonderful relationship, but – what the heck – we do. Sure, we fight. Of course, we disagree. We even pick on and tease each other probably more than the outside world may be comfortable with, but at the end of the day we have a closeness that will survive the test of time. The greatest challenge that I face with her is my inability to make sense of her world sometimes. She has a distinctive way of looking at life that completely escapes me most of the time, but we always tend to work it out or simply agree to disagree.

No matter what I have gotten myself into in the last twenty plus years, Terri has always been there to help me through it. Sometimes she drug me, sometimes she pushed me, but always she was there, supporting and encouraging. I often feel like our friendship is lopsided, that she gives me more than I can reciprocate but she assures me that isn’t so and even though she and I have only known each other half our lives (sounds like a lot when you say it that way!) it seems like forever and while we only see each other a few times a year, we always pick up right were we left off.  The thing I appreciate most is that she is deeply honest with me. She is the kind of friend who will tell me when I am an idiot and kick me in the pants when I need it not to mention the fact that she often "gets" Josc so she serves as my interpreter!  I think I just add a little comic relief (OK, perhaps even a sounding board) when she needs to escape her whirlwind reality.

What more is there to say, other than Christ has always been there – and will always be here.  My relationship with him began as a teen but solidified after the death of my husband. I felt His arms around me holding me up and I continue to lean on Him as I seek His will for my life. I am not one to believe in coincidence; I believe everything happens for a reason whether we understand or not. I know that He has put people and circumstances into my life that have challenged and changed me. Too often I let life get in the way of our talks and I overlook opportunities to serve Him, but He always Hears, always Forgives and Always Loves!