Communication Assessment

 

                                                  Even though the assignment only requested two additional assessments, I chose to do several in order to gain a better perspective of how my communications are viewed in a variety of  settings. I was relieved to see that most of my scores were supported by my coworkers, friends, and family meaning that my communications are consistent regardless of the setting.  Not surprisingly, each of us identified my listening style as Group 1 – people oriented: characterized as empathetic, relational, and often times overly trusting.  I have a feeling though, that had I had one of my co-teachers complete the survey they may have leaned more towards the Action orientation of Group 2: direct/to-the-point communication that is focused on getting the job done.

The greatest range of scores was in response to communication anxiety. Although others found it difficult to respond to many of the questions, most everyone slotted me in the moderate, or situational, range; only one colleague identified me as only mildly anxious about speaking in public. Interestingly enough, my score was the highest of the bunch reaching almost to the elevated level which leads me to believe that even though I am nervous on the inside, it is not reflected in my body language or tone. Then again – I speak in public so infrequently that none of these individuals have had the opportunity to witness it in years.

The final assessment focused on Verbal Aggression; how well I can respect the needs and attitudes of others while arguing for my own position. Again, it did not come as a great shock when most everyone’s scores were relatively the same and in the moderate range. The only exception was my daughter whose score just pushed into the significant category. It makes sense to me though, that given our relationship, it would be more likely that I may cross the line from time to time when passions flare. This does not excuse any hurtful statements and thank goodness her response only exceeded the previous section by one point instead of many! Overall, I feel like I stand up for what I believe in with a fairly level head… but when I am pushed… Look Out!

As a professional I feel like it is important that I strive to balance my listening and speaking to more efficiently transition from one situation to the next. I should question more in order to appropriately assess situations and meet the needs of the program as well as the individuals and families in it. Personally, I also feel like I have a long way to go on the road to dealing with conflict appropriately. My timidity often causes me to be passively aggressive and the more I learn about communication the more I am able to identify the roots of that behavior. Nonetheless, I anxiously await further lessons in anticipation of significantly improving my skills!

 

Communication Challenges

In general, I realize that I have significant communication struggles between myself and others, naturally dependent on the type and depth of my relationship. For the most part I am pretty much a “what you see is what you get” kind of person. Recently though I have noticed that I do sensor myself a bit more with some individuals.

For example, some of my co-workers hold religious beliefs different from my own, so I generally steer clear of topics or references that may create discomfort or agitation since I am not yet adept and these types of confrontations/interactions.

 I have mentioned in some of my other posts that I struggle with one colleague in particular who not only hails from an older generation but seems to hold a perpetual “Pollyanna” type quality that can be deceitful at times; her interpretations of situations is much different than the rest of us. So I walk the fine line between not wanting to call her on her inconsistencies and hurt her feelings and trying to maintain order in the workplace by having discussions and meeting centered around expectations and methodology.

My daughter has asked why I act differently when her boyfriend is around (I’m not really crazy about him) so I guess I don’t hide my feelings very well. I seem to become defensive when he is around, a bit closed off; as a result he is intimidated by me. I try repeatedly to establish some sort of relationship out of love for my daughter, but it is very difficult to look past my own prejudices and frustrations in order to step into his shoes and establish good communication.

Additionally, I do not like how I communicate with my mother one way, my children another, and then struggle to deal when we are all together! I just want to be myself and I feel like there are so many different expectations that I have to ping pong back and forth instead of creating a happy medium.

In an attempt to improve these and all of my relationships in regards to communication, I have started paying closer attention to the other person’s nonverbal cues and engage in more active listening. Perhaps concerning my family we will one day be able to create our own culture and interact on a level that includes everyone and meets the needs of the whole as opposed to the apparent competition for attention and respect. In general regards, I am attempting to focus outside of myself and my “norm” in order to pick up on the more subtle communication cues that I often miss as well as developing the kinds of relationships that allow me to request information that will aid in communication. I also feel like I need to continue in my efforts to become less reactive and more responsive to others.

Non-verbal communication

Ben and Emma

Upon my initial, silent viewing of Baby Daddy, I derived that the show had a similar plot to the 1987 movie “Three Men and a Baby”; three single young men living in a midtown apartment suddenly find themselves responsible for a 3 month old infant. When a young female entered the scene I made the assumption that she was someone’s girlfriend who had been called in panic to come and care for the baby: yes, she was the “resident expert” by simple virtue of gender; no, she was simply a childhood friend of Ben (main character/baby’s daddy) and his brother, Dan. It was clear by the interactions that Dan and Riley had a long standing relationship marked by bantering and submission inducing pinches (by Riley upon Dan) but there were no “public displays of affection”.  In fact, it became somewhat apparent that Dan is smitten by Riley at one point in the episode, but after listening to the dialogue I learned that Riley is, and always has been, attracted to Ben.

Uncle Dan's first encounter with Emma.

While the guys displayed the typical gamut of emotions upon Emma’s arrival from confusion, denial, fear, apprehension, and frustration they all gave way fairly immediately to adoration and eventually love, the big twist came when the dialogue exposed the possibility of Ben’s signing over his paternity rights to put Emma up for adoption and even his mother agreeing that that would probably be best for this beautiful “bundle of Love” as she called her. What I surmised as Ben talking to Emma’s mother on the phone was actually him calling the adoption agency and agreeing to relinquish Emma the next morning. This resulted in a touching, yet silently non-descript conversation between Dan and Riley in which they discuss that Ben is only doing this because everyone is telling him to and that he needs to make the decision for himself. Not surprisingly, after being “forced” to spend the night alone caring for his daughter, Ben falls in love with her and decides to forgo the adoption and keep the child.

I suppose my assumptions that he would keep the child stemmed from both the experiential knowledge of the ‘80s film along with the fact that this was the pilot to a series and thus the baby was essential to the ongoing plot (duh)! But the message of why he kept her changed significantly as verbal communication was employed to clarify the non-verbal; without sound, it appeared that his mother was so taken with her new granddaughter that she not only expected him to raise Emma but that she would be a large part of the picture. As it turned out that was not the case at all. I find it interesting, that I transferred so much expectation to this show from the schema of the movie, never considering that Ben would be provided a “way out” and chosen not to take it. I also wonder what conclusions I would have made had I simply selected an episode other than the pilot that would not have provided the same foundational information.