Practicing Awareness of Microaggressions

I had a very interesting conversation with my daughter’s boyfriend this week about the topic of microaggressions. I read him one or two of the scenarios from our discussion assignment and we chatted about how we would respond or how we have experienced similar events in our lives.

Alex is a personal trainer with muscles that testify to his dedication to personal fitness and exercise. I have to admit that at first glance, I was taken aback since his chest and both arms are covered in a variety of tattoos – something I don’t really understand. But once I met him and got to know him, he is an amazing young man.  I specifically asked him if he had experienced any prejudices or microaggressions because of his build or tattoos and he, of course, affirmed that he had. People initially make assumptions that his is a “dumb jock” or that he is a “gangsta”. Like me, though, Alex generally responds with a quick remark or simply lets it roll off his back.

Our discussion continued that microaggressions, which are unintentional in nature and therefore not proposed for harm, rely heavily on the context of the relationship that one shares with the other person – or “victim” as Dr. Sue puts it. I have discussed this concept with a few others who agree that the degree of offence taken is subjective to the individuals involved.

Unfortunately for the purpose of this assignment, but fortunately for my personal satisfaction, I witnessed minimal instances of microaggression this week.

Jennifer, a teacher at our school who also happens to be a quadriplegic, was being recognized for her outstanding work by a local radio station.  She was, therefore, invited to attend a presentation luncheon and was allowed to bring an administrator with her. She invited one of the assistant principals to accompany her to the event whose response was, “will your caregiver be going with us?” referring to Jen’s classroom assistant. Needless to say this was not taken in the spirit in which it was given!
 Jennifer may have limited use of her hands and little else, but she is a very independent, capable woman! I would further venture that this comment has lessened the quality of that relationship some. I have wondered from time to time, even before this course, how often I make comments to Jen that are inappropriate, but given our friendship, I believe she would say something if I hurt or demean her in any way. I do ask her to go on walks with me around the neighborhood, but how else would I say it? She has asked me to walk downtown with her – how is that different?

The only other incident that I can think of, could have been seen as a microaggression in hindsight, but certainly had no contextual intent on my part (duh, the definition). Several of the students in my club at school were leaving the classroom to take their fundraiser money to the bookstore although they had other obligations as well. I suggested that one student take the money and the other two stay in class to work on their assignment; commenting that it did not require three people to take the money down, one would do just fine. When they expressed some hesitation – primarily because they wanted to leave class and turn in the money personally – I said, “Kelly is a big girl, she can do it alone.” Now, for me, this is a common statement when speaking to children of all ages (up to and including my mother; they are not incapable humans, they can achieve any developmentally appropriate task!  In hind sight, I can see where Kelly could have, however, taken exception to the statement since she is the heaviest girl in the class. I don’t believe this was the case, especially since I did not notice any negative body language, she has known me for years, and she has heard me say that to any number of students.

This course has certainly made me more aware my words as well as those of others. Unfortunately, I see a slight hazard in being TOO concerned about how something sounds to someone else which could result in an unnecessary amount of censorship.