The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice and Oppression

Nine years ago next month, life turned upside down in a matter of moments. In a volley of phone calls my world came crashing down as my husband’s lifeless body was discovered and the surreal news seeped into my heart and brain. But it wasn’t just about me – we had two young daughters who were now without their father. How would life go on? How would we survive in this world alone? It didn’t occur to me at the time to be concerned about the biases that often accompany life as a widow, nor the oppression that can result. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and seeking support wherever I could find it.  Nonetheless, one’s imagination can run wild and alternate realities take root – at times like these, Hollywood appears to make more sense in their interpretations of life’s possibilities.

In 1984 Sally Fields portrayed a widow in 1930’s Texas who was faced with loosing her homestead because an unfortunate accident left her with no husband to support the family. Banks were unwilling to loan her money, others were skeptical of her ability to provide so it would seem that she would be destined to uproot her children and leave their life. In 1985, a similar story hit the screens as Sally once again played a single mother searching for a new life for herself and her son. Even though she was a modern day divorcee in this film, the message was the same, time after time doors were closed in her face because, as she said, she had a zipper instead of a fly.

Visions of this reality circled my brain but proved to be unfounded. I felt God’s hand on my shoulder and his voice in my ear each time someone from my support system stepped up to share my burdens or lend a hand. Mercifully, my husband had planned ahead so I was not destitute as these women had been. Societal attitudes were different and single mothers were seen in a different light. My daughters and I were well rooted in our network of family and friends who never abandoned us. But still, I found inspiration in these roles; if Edna Spalding and Emma Moriarty could survive their seemingly insurmountable odds and come out on top, so could I.

Unfortunately, I look around my classroom and school and I see so many women who seem to fall prey to the societal stigmas surrounding single parenthood accompanied by poverty. True, assistance is more prominent than decades ago, but can still be difficult to attain. I am ashamed to admit that even I have had negative reactions to some of these women who come to us hoping to enroll their child(ren) in our program only to be turned away due to finances. I have allowed prejudice attitudes to creep in and taint my opinion of some of these women before I even hear about their circumstances or get to know them as individuals. But the reality of business is that money gets you in the door and in the absence of that resource effort is the next best thing – have they attempted to gain assistance prior to searching for care?  Edna explored a variety of avenues for supporting her children and home, even giving in to the pressures of those who had something to gain; Emma persisted in the face of discrimination but it took gaining the trust of a prominent citizen for the rest of the community to give her a chance and isn’t that all anyone asks for really – a chance to be who they are and reach for their goals?

                                                                                                                                                                    
Not to detract from what I have already written, but it just occurred to me that I am "victimized" frequently simply because I still have a Flip Phone!!! I receive endless microaggressions from my kids, co-workers, phone sales people and others about "why don't I join the 21st century", "come into the real world", "how can you use such an antiquated piece of equipment?"  To which I simply reply, "I am just fine with my low tech phone; it does what I need it to do, when I need it to do it!"