Conflict resolution strategies

Over the last couple of months the conflict and dissatisfaction at work has been mounting due to the inconsistencies between teacher expectations and procedures. Instead of honestly expressing my concerns as they occur as discussed on the NVC website, I began stuffing my frustrations which quickly turned into anger. A couple of weeks ago, we did hold a meeting in which everyone involved had an opportunity to express their desires and expectation surrounding a multitude of issues such as meal time expectations, scheduling conflicts, discipline problems. Overall, it was a fairly productive meeting: many opinions were openly expressed and some changes were implemented. Unfortunately, some issues remain unresolved; in part because of the time and effort required to initiate them, but, I fear, in part because of procrastination or hesitation.

One yet unresolved concern is that of consistent rules for the outdoor play area. As part of the outline for our initial meeting (a meeting which incidentally probably should have occurred before school started) each person was asked to express their own expectations for the primary activities and pieces of equipment on the playground. As our previous meeting became very lengthy, we did not discuss the issue then, but were all asked to devise a method by which these guidelines would be agreed upon and documented so that everyone concerned would be on the same page. As of Friday morning, this had not yet occurred. Although, I am still a bit questionable as to how to facilitate the efforts, I believe the creative response approach to this issue would prove to be beneficial (CRN, 2010). Instead of looking for a perfect solution to each of the issues that arise, we should collectively evaluate our concerns in order to come up with acceptable ways to manage these expectations. For example, there does not seem to be any rhyme or reason as to when bikes are “open” or “closed” unless there is a flagrant misuse of the equipment – someone gets run over or there is a fight over possession. But since specific guidelines have not been established the children (nor staff) have any real way of knowing what is acceptable behavior concerning the activity. By expressing the concerns about children getting hurt by a passing tricycle because they are drawing on the sidewalk with chalk, we can establish that this must be an either/or area; bikes or chalk, and alternate them appropriately. But by looking at the situation as a “win – learn” opportunity, we are setting ourselves up renegotiation if we see that our restrictions are either unwarranted or insufficient. This principle accepts that success is a learning process.

Another continuing concern is that of scheduling. Even though we discussed the necessity for a more workable/reliable daily schedule as well as sticking to a schedule, issues continue to arise. As the senior member of the team, I revamped our old schedule to reflect the adjustments discussed in the meeting and requested input from my colleagues as the practicality of the changes. After making some adjustments, we all agreed on the new schedule as well as giving each other permission to help enforce the changes by reminding others about activities and timing of events. Regrettably, the timing is still off. The primary concern is nap time; it was suggested that lunch be pushed back a half of an hour which would in turn result in nap being pushed back as well. This seemed to make sense since our dialogue also resulted in the desire to shorten the time the children would sleep. However, the issue is that the children are being held at a group activity past the time that they should be eating which not only cuts lunch time, but bleeds over into nap time since some children are being rushed to eat and thus move slower. The ultimate result is that children go down for their naps much later than anticipated, are allowed to sleep a bit longer to make up for it and do not have time for the next activity before some of them leave for the day. One child is almost always forced to wake up only moments before his aunt picks him up whereas, according to the schedule, he should have at least 30 minutes to collect himself, wake up and participate in a large group activity before going home.

I would, therefore, like to see the “Three-Chair Model” used to help mediate the necessary changes (either in scheduling or behavior) between the director and staff members. In doing so, each person in the team is given the opportunity to express their needs and desires in a non-threatening way, airing our grievances with a neutral third party who can ensure that each person is heard and understood and an acceptable solution is reached. In this case, is would not only need to fulfill the expectations of the teachers but begin with what will be beneficial to the children.

During this course, I am not only learning a great deal about my own communication skills – and the shortcomings therein – but am becoming more acutely aware of the communication styles of those around me. I am trying desperately to improve my listening skills and encourage others to express their actual needs instead of jumping to assumptions that are frequently incorrect. But I am also noticing how others (my co-worker and mother included) use emotion to manipulate my responses. It is my hope and goal that throughout the remainder of this course, I will continue to gain practice in listening and confronting that will improve my communication and conflict resolution skills.

Lasater, I., Kinyon, J., Stiles, J. (2010). The three-chair model for learning NVC mediation: Developing capacity for mindful presence, connection, and skill with NVC. Center for Nonviolent Communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/node/6945

Conflict Resolution Network. (2010). What is conflict resolution? Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_3