Closing another chapter

To say thank you to the members of 6165-6: Group 2 seems a bit insufficient to appreciate everyone who has had a hand in my success thus far. From the very beginning of this program the learning community that has been established has fostered continued connection regardless of current classmates; primarily through the development of our blogs. Even though my principal focus at the moment is on those who are also working on communication and collaboration – it is enlightening to continue to read others’ blogs from other courses and glean additional perspectives and information.

It should (but shouldn’t) go without saying that I appreciate the instructors and their facilitation as well. Johnna, we were introduced to you in an earlier course via multimedia presentations, which for me made the last two courses feel less anonymous but, like the others, very beneficial.

Salt River, Arizona

Thank you to each and every one of you – if you are reading this blog entry, you have impacted my learning, either through discussions or postings but always with insight, inspiration, encouragement, and kindness.

A few of you I will likely meet again in the new year, but most others I will not have the privilege of working with again. Either way, you can find me on Facebook (another byproduct of this program - the communication medium I established with my international contact!) @ laura.randleman.9

Otherwise... See you at Graduation!

Meeting adjourned...

Because of the camaraderie that develops in high performing groups, they are more often difficult to disband. Members who work closely to meet the same goals depend on each other for the success of the project – regardless of the outcome: success of the group is not dependent on the achievement of goals, but the opposite can certainly be said to be true!

Flash back 9 years –

The hardest group for me to ever leave was my first early childhood position. Our group was very small but it was tightly knit. Forming occurred naturally and quickly not only between staff members but with families as well. Storming, norming and performing seemed effortless in most cases since we shared deeply the goal of supporting and serving children, families, and each other. We came to depend on each other and worked as one extended entity so when life’s circumstances made it necessary for me to leave after 5 years I was at once torn between struggling through another year and trading the safety of this network for the uncertainty ahead. Ultimately, I was able to say my farewells to the children and families at our annual year-end celebration and through tears and laughter we shared our mutual appreciation and memories as many of us moved on. The one thing, however, that facilitated closure the most was knowing that no matter where life took me – my “team” would always be with me one way or another.

Flash forward six months –

As our courses here with Walden wrap up and completion draws near some relationships will no doubt endure while others simply become part of the experience and fade with time. Ideally, I imagine that names, faces, and voices would come together as we meet in Minneapolis to accept our hard-earned accolades (and perhaps toast to our tenacity!) perhaps even be able to shake the hands of our professors who guided us through the process. I have no idea what to really expect, but I do know that I am expecting SOMETHING!

As an early childhood educator, I’ll be honest, at the end of each year there are those children and families that I gladly extend a fond adieu while others will be missed but will blend into the archives of my mind. Still others receive a simple farewell in expectation of their immediate or eventual return. It is the rest that will tear at my heartstrings because of the bond that has formed and the successes that have been achieved. Regardless, this process of adjourning provides the closure of one chapter that ultimately leads to the opening of the next. The question now is – will this one wrap up cleanly, or will it be a nail-biting cliffhanger?

Conflict resolution strategies

Over the last couple of months the conflict and dissatisfaction at work has been mounting due to the inconsistencies between teacher expectations and procedures. Instead of honestly expressing my concerns as they occur as discussed on the NVC website, I began stuffing my frustrations which quickly turned into anger. A couple of weeks ago, we did hold a meeting in which everyone involved had an opportunity to express their desires and expectation surrounding a multitude of issues such as meal time expectations, scheduling conflicts, discipline problems. Overall, it was a fairly productive meeting: many opinions were openly expressed and some changes were implemented. Unfortunately, some issues remain unresolved; in part because of the time and effort required to initiate them, but, I fear, in part because of procrastination or hesitation.

One yet unresolved concern is that of consistent rules for the outdoor play area. As part of the outline for our initial meeting (a meeting which incidentally probably should have occurred before school started) each person was asked to express their own expectations for the primary activities and pieces of equipment on the playground. As our previous meeting became very lengthy, we did not discuss the issue then, but were all asked to devise a method by which these guidelines would be agreed upon and documented so that everyone concerned would be on the same page. As of Friday morning, this had not yet occurred. Although, I am still a bit questionable as to how to facilitate the efforts, I believe the creative response approach to this issue would prove to be beneficial (CRN, 2010). Instead of looking for a perfect solution to each of the issues that arise, we should collectively evaluate our concerns in order to come up with acceptable ways to manage these expectations. For example, there does not seem to be any rhyme or reason as to when bikes are “open” or “closed” unless there is a flagrant misuse of the equipment – someone gets run over or there is a fight over possession. But since specific guidelines have not been established the children (nor staff) have any real way of knowing what is acceptable behavior concerning the activity. By expressing the concerns about children getting hurt by a passing tricycle because they are drawing on the sidewalk with chalk, we can establish that this must be an either/or area; bikes or chalk, and alternate them appropriately. But by looking at the situation as a “win – learn” opportunity, we are setting ourselves up renegotiation if we see that our restrictions are either unwarranted or insufficient. This principle accepts that success is a learning process.

Another continuing concern is that of scheduling. Even though we discussed the necessity for a more workable/reliable daily schedule as well as sticking to a schedule, issues continue to arise. As the senior member of the team, I revamped our old schedule to reflect the adjustments discussed in the meeting and requested input from my colleagues as the practicality of the changes. After making some adjustments, we all agreed on the new schedule as well as giving each other permission to help enforce the changes by reminding others about activities and timing of events. Regrettably, the timing is still off. The primary concern is nap time; it was suggested that lunch be pushed back a half of an hour which would in turn result in nap being pushed back as well. This seemed to make sense since our dialogue also resulted in the desire to shorten the time the children would sleep. However, the issue is that the children are being held at a group activity past the time that they should be eating which not only cuts lunch time, but bleeds over into nap time since some children are being rushed to eat and thus move slower. The ultimate result is that children go down for their naps much later than anticipated, are allowed to sleep a bit longer to make up for it and do not have time for the next activity before some of them leave for the day. One child is almost always forced to wake up only moments before his aunt picks him up whereas, according to the schedule, he should have at least 30 minutes to collect himself, wake up and participate in a large group activity before going home.

I would, therefore, like to see the “Three-Chair Model” used to help mediate the necessary changes (either in scheduling or behavior) between the director and staff members. In doing so, each person in the team is given the opportunity to express their needs and desires in a non-threatening way, airing our grievances with a neutral third party who can ensure that each person is heard and understood and an acceptable solution is reached. In this case, is would not only need to fulfill the expectations of the teachers but begin with what will be beneficial to the children.

During this course, I am not only learning a great deal about my own communication skills – and the shortcomings therein – but am becoming more acutely aware of the communication styles of those around me. I am trying desperately to improve my listening skills and encourage others to express their actual needs instead of jumping to assumptions that are frequently incorrect. But I am also noticing how others (my co-worker and mother included) use emotion to manipulate my responses. It is my hope and goal that throughout the remainder of this course, I will continue to gain practice in listening and confronting that will improve my communication and conflict resolution skills.

Lasater, I., Kinyon, J., Stiles, J. (2010). The three-chair model for learning NVC mediation: Developing capacity for mindful presence, connection, and skill with NVC. Center for Nonviolent Communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/node/6945

Conflict Resolution Network. (2010). What is conflict resolution? Retrieved from http://www.crnhq.org/pages.php?pID=12#skill_3

Communication Assessment

 

                                                  Even though the assignment only requested two additional assessments, I chose to do several in order to gain a better perspective of how my communications are viewed in a variety of  settings. I was relieved to see that most of my scores were supported by my coworkers, friends, and family meaning that my communications are consistent regardless of the setting.  Not surprisingly, each of us identified my listening style as Group 1 – people oriented: characterized as empathetic, relational, and often times overly trusting.  I have a feeling though, that had I had one of my co-teachers complete the survey they may have leaned more towards the Action orientation of Group 2: direct/to-the-point communication that is focused on getting the job done.

The greatest range of scores was in response to communication anxiety. Although others found it difficult to respond to many of the questions, most everyone slotted me in the moderate, or situational, range; only one colleague identified me as only mildly anxious about speaking in public. Interestingly enough, my score was the highest of the bunch reaching almost to the elevated level which leads me to believe that even though I am nervous on the inside, it is not reflected in my body language or tone. Then again – I speak in public so infrequently that none of these individuals have had the opportunity to witness it in years.

The final assessment focused on Verbal Aggression; how well I can respect the needs and attitudes of others while arguing for my own position. Again, it did not come as a great shock when most everyone’s scores were relatively the same and in the moderate range. The only exception was my daughter whose score just pushed into the significant category. It makes sense to me though, that given our relationship, it would be more likely that I may cross the line from time to time when passions flare. This does not excuse any hurtful statements and thank goodness her response only exceeded the previous section by one point instead of many! Overall, I feel like I stand up for what I believe in with a fairly level head… but when I am pushed… Look Out!

As a professional I feel like it is important that I strive to balance my listening and speaking to more efficiently transition from one situation to the next. I should question more in order to appropriately assess situations and meet the needs of the program as well as the individuals and families in it. Personally, I also feel like I have a long way to go on the road to dealing with conflict appropriately. My timidity often causes me to be passively aggressive and the more I learn about communication the more I am able to identify the roots of that behavior. Nonetheless, I anxiously await further lessons in anticipation of significantly improving my skills!

 

Communication Challenges

In general, I realize that I have significant communication struggles between myself and others, naturally dependent on the type and depth of my relationship. For the most part I am pretty much a “what you see is what you get” kind of person. Recently though I have noticed that I do sensor myself a bit more with some individuals.

For example, some of my co-workers hold religious beliefs different from my own, so I generally steer clear of topics or references that may create discomfort or agitation since I am not yet adept and these types of confrontations/interactions.

 I have mentioned in some of my other posts that I struggle with one colleague in particular who not only hails from an older generation but seems to hold a perpetual “Pollyanna” type quality that can be deceitful at times; her interpretations of situations is much different than the rest of us. So I walk the fine line between not wanting to call her on her inconsistencies and hurt her feelings and trying to maintain order in the workplace by having discussions and meeting centered around expectations and methodology.

My daughter has asked why I act differently when her boyfriend is around (I’m not really crazy about him) so I guess I don’t hide my feelings very well. I seem to become defensive when he is around, a bit closed off; as a result he is intimidated by me. I try repeatedly to establish some sort of relationship out of love for my daughter, but it is very difficult to look past my own prejudices and frustrations in order to step into his shoes and establish good communication.

Additionally, I do not like how I communicate with my mother one way, my children another, and then struggle to deal when we are all together! I just want to be myself and I feel like there are so many different expectations that I have to ping pong back and forth instead of creating a happy medium.

In an attempt to improve these and all of my relationships in regards to communication, I have started paying closer attention to the other person’s nonverbal cues and engage in more active listening. Perhaps concerning my family we will one day be able to create our own culture and interact on a level that includes everyone and meets the needs of the whole as opposed to the apparent competition for attention and respect. In general regards, I am attempting to focus outside of myself and my “norm” in order to pick up on the more subtle communication cues that I often miss as well as developing the kinds of relationships that allow me to request information that will aid in communication. I also feel like I need to continue in my efforts to become less reactive and more responsive to others.

Non-verbal communication

Ben and Emma

Upon my initial, silent viewing of Baby Daddy, I derived that the show had a similar plot to the 1987 movie “Three Men and a Baby”; three single young men living in a midtown apartment suddenly find themselves responsible for a 3 month old infant. When a young female entered the scene I made the assumption that she was someone’s girlfriend who had been called in panic to come and care for the baby: yes, she was the “resident expert” by simple virtue of gender; no, she was simply a childhood friend of Ben (main character/baby’s daddy) and his brother, Dan. It was clear by the interactions that Dan and Riley had a long standing relationship marked by bantering and submission inducing pinches (by Riley upon Dan) but there were no “public displays of affection”.  In fact, it became somewhat apparent that Dan is smitten by Riley at one point in the episode, but after listening to the dialogue I learned that Riley is, and always has been, attracted to Ben.

Uncle Dan's first encounter with Emma.

While the guys displayed the typical gamut of emotions upon Emma’s arrival from confusion, denial, fear, apprehension, and frustration they all gave way fairly immediately to adoration and eventually love, the big twist came when the dialogue exposed the possibility of Ben’s signing over his paternity rights to put Emma up for adoption and even his mother agreeing that that would probably be best for this beautiful “bundle of Love” as she called her. What I surmised as Ben talking to Emma’s mother on the phone was actually him calling the adoption agency and agreeing to relinquish Emma the next morning. This resulted in a touching, yet silently non-descript conversation between Dan and Riley in which they discuss that Ben is only doing this because everyone is telling him to and that he needs to make the decision for himself. Not surprisingly, after being “forced” to spend the night alone caring for his daughter, Ben falls in love with her and decides to forgo the adoption and keep the child.

I suppose my assumptions that he would keep the child stemmed from both the experiential knowledge of the ‘80s film along with the fact that this was the pilot to a series and thus the baby was essential to the ongoing plot (duh)! But the message of why he kept her changed significantly as verbal communication was employed to clarify the non-verbal; without sound, it appeared that his mother was so taken with her new granddaughter that she not only expected him to raise Emma but that she would be a large part of the picture. As it turned out that was not the case at all. I find it interesting, that I transferred so much expectation to this show from the schema of the movie, never considering that Ben would be provided a “way out” and chosen not to take it. I also wonder what conclusions I would have made had I simply selected an episode other than the pilot that would not have provided the same foundational information.

And the Best Communicator Award goes to..

My dearest friend, Terri, has to be the most effective communicator I know. She listens attentively to whomever is speaking, is highly sensitive to non-verbal and environmental cues, and responds appropriately with whatever is needed at the time – support, advice, admonition. Terri and I met during the first semester of our secondary ed program at ASU but, according to her, I was a complete snot to her until the next term! But once we “met” and got to know each other we became fast friends; despite the distance that has separated us for years, we can still pick up where we left off every time.

I often find myself wishing I shared Terri’s gift for communication (and perhaps after this course I will have come closer). I hang up the phone and realize that I have monopolized the conversation or part ways wondering if I was as available to her as she has always been for me. Of the things that I admire the most are her abilities to stand for her convictions and to read a situation almost instantaneously. She will never give advice or support in a way that conflicts with her beliefs, and she is exceptionally aware of the surroundings and how they may potentially effect herself and others. More importantly sometimes is her amazing aptitude for picking up on cultural idiosyncrasies (no negative connotation intended) and respond sensitively without any noticeable effort at all! When we taught together my first year, I learned so much about the cultures at our schools that helped me survive an environment in which I had never before been exposed.

6164 Final Post: Hopes, Dreams, Farewells

HOPES:
It is amazing to me that Raffi has been one of my favorite children’s artists since my girls were preschoolers, yet I had never before heard his “remix” of the preamble; what an amazing commentary on how we should view children. I join him and so many others in holding this hope for our children. Thank you, Louise, for introducing me to it! 

DREAMS:
Children are our most valuable asset, they must be heard; their needs met; policies implemented demonstrating that value free from the institutional injustices plaguing our world. 

FAREWELL:The perspectives we’ve shared have helped lay a foundation on which for me to continue to build my understanding and connection with issues related to diversity and equity in children and the families we serve. I have enjoyed our discussions and knowing that I am not in this alone. As we near the final lap of our journey together I hope to have the opportunity to work with some of you again – even into our specializations. Thank you!

Memo to Staff

RE: New Family from Spain

I have just learned that a new family will soon join our program. The Zapatero family comes to us from Spain and we will soon have the pleasure and responsibility of working with their three year old daughter, Pilar.  Please familiarize yourself with a few of the cultural expectations below in order to better serve this family and create as smooth of a transition as possible for Pilar. Do not hesitate to discuss any additionally helpful information with me and, as always, as we embrace this family we will, no doubt, learn a great deal more about their expectations and how they can participate in our program.

 Ms. R

Spaniards are generally much more relaxed and may have less need for the personal space typical of Americans; physical contact during conversation is not unusual. Even a handshake may include a second hand upon the forearm or shoulder; a hug or cheek kisses are characteristic of a more established relationship (don Quijote S.L., 2012). Don’t be surprised if Pilar greets you or her friends with a kiss once she becomes comfortable in your classroom.

Spain is traditionally a patriarchal society, yet its culture is changing (Kwintessential  Ltd., n.d.). Please be aware of your interactions and take cues from the family as to the hierarchy for decision making, communication and discipline concerns. So far in my interactions with this family, the leadership responsibility seems to be equitable between both parents.

Not unlike other families we serve, trust is an essential component to conducting business. Face to face contact is the preferred form of communication, and should be non-confrontational (Kwintessential  Ltd., n.d.).That is not to say that written communications should be avoided, but this should be accompanied by an in-person conversation whenever possible.

Details are essential, generalized information may require further explanations (Kwintessential  Ltd., n.d.). Spaniards are very thorough and want to ensure that all of the bases are covered. Additionally, once an agreement has been made, both parties are bound to fulfill their end of the bargain. Expectations should be clearly stated and followed through by all parties: teachers, child, parents, and friends.

On a similar note, many Spaniards (again, not unlike others we serve) may be hesitant to express their confusion so careful attention must be given to body language, especially if the conversation is in English (Kwintessential  Ltd., n.d.). Miguel and Mari speak fairly fluent English, but this will be Pilar’s first consistent exposure. Look for signs that she may not understand what the expected behaviors are or for signs that she may be becoming frustrated. With consistent support, she will gain confidence and progress quickly.

Many other cultural aspects are somewhat familiar to us, since Spain’s cultures and traditions have been greatly influenced by Europeans (don Quijote S.L., 2012).  A great deal of the children’s literature has also been a result of European influence, including tales from the Brothers Grimm.  I have discovered one particular book that I think would be interesting to read with the children in a number of ways, Isabel Saves the Prince: Based on a True Story of Isabel I of Spain. Not only would it shed a bit of light on some Spanish history, but includes some common Spanish words, historical dress and beautiful illustrations, all of which can be expanded through numerous avenues in the classroom. (Holub, 2007)

 

don Quijote S. L. (2012). Retrieved from http://www.donquijote.org

Holub, J. (2007). Isabel saves the prince: Based on a true story of Isabel I of Spain (Ready-to-read young princesses around the world. New York. Aladdin.

Kwintessential  Ltd. (n.d.) Retrieved from http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/resources/global-etiquette/spain-country-profile.html